I had a really bad day today – not in terms of work or people; it was more about how I felt and how every little thing today seemed to trigger emotions in me that made me think of Ed and how he is absent and will continue to physically be absent in my life from now on. Songs I listened to made me think of him, the relatively cooler temperature when I left the apartment reminded me of him (he hated the humidity of New York when he visited in July 2011 and could not wait to get back to the overcast and 60-degree weather in San Francisco), and even overhearing coworkers’ conversations mentioning their own siblings brought him to mind. I’ll never be able to say that I have plans to have dinner with or visit my brother again. Even though I planned to fly back for his birthday this month, take him out to have Indian food like he loved, and get him a beautiful cake from Schubert’s, a bakery he liked, I’ll never be able to say I did any of that because none of that will happen. I just miss him. I even miss bickering with him and even occasionally lecturing him about being positive. I miss my brother.