The first two nights with baby home were pretty reasonable given all the nightmare stories I’d heard of newborns with first-time parents. It obviously helped having our night nurse with us overnight for the first two nights, so night three was when we’d be on our own. It made me a little nervous, and like most first-time parents, SIDS was on the very back of my mind. Every time we put her down to sleep, I felt a bit weird and just wanted to watch her for at least five minutes to make sure she was not in a position to potentially get face down or suffocate herself on the side of the bassinet. Even though Chris said nothing, I could tell he felt a bit wary, too, every time we put her down. Somehow, this is not really a worry of mine during the day even when she sleeps during the day obviously. Newborns usually sleep 15-17 hours per day, with the rest of the time spent eating and occasionally getting to know the world around them, plus their limbs. Night time always feels scarier.

A colleague messaged me to ask how things were going. I told her I was having a little back of mind anxiety about putting her down at night. This colleague has a 5-year old and an 8-month old at home. “Honestly, I still feel nervous, and my oldest is 5 years old. I still check to see she is breathing now!” she messaged me back. “It does get easier, but those freak incidents do worry me, so I still check even though it sounds crazy.”

Being a parent is always full of uncertainty and some level of worry. I just need to keep calm and do the best I can with what is within my control.