Everyone warned me that the first pee and poop post giving birth would be brutal. A small number of moms had told me that their first poop was more excruciating than labor, which absolutely terrified me. I even heard one nightmarish story of a woman who pooped not just actual poop… but a part of her UTERUS. And she almost tried to pull it out!!

I hoped for the best, though, as I felt quite good after birthing Kaia and was able to get up on my feet within a couple hours of pushing her out. I was also more optimistic about it since I had taken no medication, as I was told an epidural would have made the poop/pee even more challenging for me. All of the nurses were shocked when they heard I hadn’t had any medication at all and no epidural. It was like a feat, they said, and congratulated me for how brave and strong I was. They were initially weirded out when they saw how mobile I was, bending down and walking around without assistance, so it made more sense when they heard I had no meds.

So when I finally braved out the bathroom trip, of course it was a pee for me. The nurse gave me a peri spray bottle and told me to fill it with warm water and to spray it on myself as I peed as well as after. It would remove any stinging and make any pain more tolerable, she said. I went to the bathroom with the peri bottle and did my thing. Well… at least, I tried. It took me at least 10-15 minutes to finally get the pee out. And it came out slowly, initially as a drip, and finally as a general spray. It was SCARY. I was like, is just pee coming out, or is anything ELSE going to come out, as well…?! I knew I just had to be patient with myself and not rush any bathroom trips, as if I did, it could mean hemorrhaging or other postpartum complications.

This is the crap no one really tells you openly about child birth – exactly how long it takes to recover not just in your vagina/urethra area, but also your rectum. My rectum was sorer than sore, and sitting down really hurt after. It just feels like a massive bruise, ALL OVER down there. Luckily, the nurses packed an insane amount of stuff (this stuffed a carry-on luggage, my Lo and Sons bag, and two massive shopping bags to the brim!) to take care of both baby and me, even including a sitz bath to place on top of the toilet to help my nether region healing, as well as an inflatable butt cushion to put everywhere I sat. And I would put both to very good use.