Being a parent has a lot of ups and downs. The night time wakings, the blowout diapers, the seemingly endless sicknesses, the whining, the tantrums, the days when you’re running on fumes because of lack of sleep — I don’t think anyone gets excited about that or looks back on any of those things wistfully. But the cuddles, kisses, moments of true understanding and growth — those are the things all parents relish and look back on and think, “What — where did time go?!”
As the days led up to Kaia’s Pre-K graduation today, I couldn’t help but constantly scroll through my phone’s camera roll and our Google Photos when I had five or ten minutes here or there, whether it was on the subway commuting or while waiting for people to join work calls. I have such fond, happy memories of being pregnant with her — feeling my growing tummy/uterus, feeling her middle-of-the-night somersaults in the uterus, feeling her constantly kicking and squirming around, especially after eating or exercising. And then when she was born, my entire life changed. It was like I finally learned what a different level of love and nurture was. And since then, I have never looked at life quite the same way ever again. This little blob, who is no longer a little blob but a kindergarten bound girl, changed my entire life and perspectives. Suddenly, nothing mattered as much as her health, well being, and happiness. And each day, she forces me to live more in the moment, to listen to and notice all the little things. And with her, life is just so much better and richer. To this day, sometimes I still cannot believe I got so lucky with this sweet, sweet child — in more ways than ten.
Kaia’s preschool graduation was supposed to start at 5:30 today, but due to technical difficulties, we probably didn’t get admitted until around 6. This was very late for a bunch of 4- and 5-year-olds, all of whom were having later dinner (and inevitably a much later bedtime). But somehow, Kaia held it all together. She performed two dances, one to an English song and one to one of her favorite Chinese songs 有你就幸福 (Blessed to Have You/Having You is a Blessing). And she sang so happily and proudly, especially the Chinese song, funnily enough. I was so proud that my heart was nearly bursting. And then when the school showcased the big school-wide skit that they’ve been working on for months, I couldn’t help but tear up. My little baby is growing up — so so fast, almost too fast.
After summer camp in July-August, she’ll be off to kindergarten at her new school in September. All I can say is that I’m trying hard to soak all of her up… because every single day of her life, I’m preparing for her to eventually leave me. Kaia even said to me a couple days ago while discussing her going to kindergarten and then getting a year and two and three older, “Mama, when I am big, you won’t have a baby anymore!”
But no matter what, as I say to her, Kaia Pookie will always be my baby — mama’s sweet baby.