Since my first work trip this year in January when I went to Las Vegas, I decided to start recording short videos of myself to have Chris share with Kaia while I was away. I did the same while in Denver this week, and Chris always says she loves them. Chris also shares videos of Kaia talking about all kinds of things, as well as demanding a “video of mummy.” She was at backup care at her old school today since her current school is closed for parent-teacher conferences today. I got back in time to fully unpack, get dinner ready, and pick her up. She wasn’t expecting me at pickup time, but when she saw me enter the classroom, she wordlessly ran up to me and wrapped her arms around me. Then, she motioned her legs to indicate she wanted me to pick her up. I held her tightly while asking her temporary teacher how her day was, gathered her belongings, and we left.
Pookster didn’t say too much on the way home, but when I asked her if she missed me, she vigorously nodded her head to say yes. And when we got back home to eat dinner together, I had to break the news to her that Chris and I would be going out for a comedy show to see Kumail Nanjiani that evening, so her former teacher/babysitter would be coming to watch her. Unlike last week when she took the news in stride and confidently said she’d show her babysitter her toys and books, this time, she stuck her lower lip out and looked like she was going to cry.
“I don’t WANT mummy to go out and see friends!” Kaia yelled. She always thinks that when Chris and I go out without her, it’s “to see friends.”
Then when the babysitter arrived, Kaia got really upset and started balling. She was sobbing like crazy, demanding endless hugs and kisses from both of us. She kept pulling my leg and saying she wanted to come, too. Chris explained to the babysitter that Kaia hadn’t seen me since Monday morning, and I’d literally just come back about two hours ago. So Pookster only got to see me for less than an hour before I’d leave again. I felt terrible, but there was nothing else to be done. We went out, and Kaia had the evening with the babysitter.
When we got back from our comedy show, the babysitter told us that Kaia eventually calmed down, but she didn’t want to play or read or do anything with her. She lied on our bed for a bit, cuddling “mummy’s sweater.” Then, she demanded the babysitter change her into her pajamas. She got help with peeing in the potty, then went straight to bed alone. I suppose this is Kaia’s way of coping as a three-year-old, when she’s upset she doesn’t get mummy and daddy, but she doesn’t have a say in the matter.
Kaia stayed in her bed until just past 4am, when she walked into our room with her goodie bag and overalls (current obsession, thanks to Ms. Rachel), and tapped my face to wake me up. I pulled her into the bed and under the covers, where she held onto me tighter than she ever has before. It almost felt like she thought that the tighter she held onto me, then I’d never leave her side again. For a while, I just looked at her little face as she peered into my eyes with this huge grin. My baby was so happy to see me and be with me again, and I felt so touched. These are those moments of motherhood where I just feel like I’m going to melt into a pool of joy. These are the moments I look at her and think, wow. I’m just in awe of how someone so small and sweet can fill my heart with such immense love. Kaia Pookie is truly my greatest blessing and joy. I hope she always knows that. I remind her every day before bed.
Later this morning, once Kaia was all ready for school, Chris asked me what time Kaia came over. I told him. “You have to send her back!” he insisted. The last two nights, she apparently didn’t come to the bed at all while I was away. But given it was already past 4am, and given I hadn’t seen her since Monday, I indulged her and enjoyed the moment of snuggling with my sweet baby. Of course, I want to set boundaries with her, but other times, I just want to enjoy the moment and let my Kaia Pookie enjoy her safe place, which is in her parents’ bed, right in between the two people she loves the most.