I told my therapist the good news this morning during our regular scheduled session. She asked me how I was feeling, and I immediately burst into tears.
“I’m so excited, but I’m completely terrified at the same time,” I said to her. “I don’t want to get too excited because I’m so scared this is all going to be taken away from me tomorrow.”
She insisted to me that it was okay to be happy or to celebrate the small wins along the way. None of my reactions or feelings are abnormal, and given the long and painful road of infertility, we need to celebrate these little wins because…. what the hell else is there to celebrate or be happy about? It’s a normal dichotomy of feelings, she said. The important thing is that I learn what works best for me in terms of balancing those two opposing emotions so that it does not overrun my life.
I started doing pregnancy-focused yoga and meditation a few days ago. Some of the mantras that seem to be working for me are around trusting the universe a little more, and trusting my body to care and nourish my developing embryo.
“I am happy. I am healthy. My baby is coming to me.”
“I trust my body to care for my baby.”
Just one day at a time. Just one day at a time. Just one day at a time. I can do this. I can definitely do this.