Psychotherapist visit

I decided to start seeing a therapist again to navigate through my feelings around this seemingly endless fertility journey we have been on. My support network is decent, but I figured I could use an impartial third party to talk to who doesn’t actually know me. Lucky for me, my company actually offers 10 covered therapy sessions through a program/app called Modern Health, so I don’t have to worry about any out of pocket costs until then.

We spoke for an hour today for the first session, and I knew she was going to be a good fit for me when she distilled down the things she thinks I am grappling with at a high level:

  1. Lack of control: it frustrates me when I feel like I have ZERO control over a situation and I start spiraling downward. This is also why I hate confrontation (despite what my passive friends say); in confrontation, you have no idea (and no control) over how the person you are confronting will respond.
  2. “All or nothing” mentality: You are either going to be completely successful or a total failure. Hence… you have five mature eggs… who knows if they will all make it or all die by Day 5?
  3. Negative thoughts tend to overtake any potential positive thoughts, and I always immediately jump to the worst case scenario: why does this keep happening, and how can we combat it to find more balance? I know at a high level why I do this; it’s like a defense mechanism. But why is it my ‘default’?

I love talking to therapists. I feel like I have even more respect for them after having read Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.

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