When your parents snoop on your friends’ lives

My mom has been getting pretty impatient with me, but she tries to hide it. Given she’s my mom and I’ve been in this mother-daughter relationship with her for 33.5 years now, I can always see through her, her facial expressions, her body language, her tone, her words, even over the phone. I always know what she’s thinking about, even if she never fully spits it out.

She’s not very pleased with me because when she asks me, “So, any news?” or “Is anything new?” or “Have anything exciting to share with me?”, I pretty much always respond no. What she really wants to hear is a) that I am pregnant, b) one of my good friends is pregnant, or c) one of my unmarried friends is finally either getting engaged or getting married.

She insists that she wants what is best for me and my friends, and that what is best for us is that we all get married and have children. She was in shock when I told her that one of my friends explicitly said she did not want children at all. “She’s making a mistake,” my mom said. “She will change her mind. Just give her some time. She will realize she wants children and then have them then.” That’s not really how it works, Mom, but I’m not saying anything to that because I don’t want to have this discussion with you.

If my mom had it her way, I would have gotten married by 25, had my first child by age 26, then had my second and third child by age 30 and been done with child bearing by then. That was 3.5 years ago, and since I don’t even have one child yet, I’m extremely, extremely behind the schedule my mom wants.

The greatest thing is that she doesn’t get to control my body or my reproductive organs, though. I will give her the “good news” when I’ve decided it’s okay for that. In the meantime, she can continue to wait and perhaps do something else more productive for herself.

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