Yesterday, I met up with a former colleague who got laid off during our big cut last October. He’s currently at another startup and seemingly happy. He keeps in touch with many, many of my current colleagues and basically gets big news of major company changes almost as quickly as I do. I guess that’s what happens when you really like your colleagues when you leave a company. They still keep you in the loop. You’re still an insider even though you’re technically an outsider.

I wonder what it would be like if I left, if I’d have the same level of connection to the people here as he does. We’re at a volatile period of our company’s life. Perhaps we could call it going through the puberty stage — lots of growing pains, a lot of stress and tumultuous changes that we’re not quite sure we’re ready for or able to go through well. I feel committed to making this all work more than I ever have at any other company I’ve worked for, so it would be devastating for me if we suddenly took a downward spiral. It would be as though the one seemingly promising profession I’d ever had just couldn’t work out and make me happy. It would be like a marriage that didn’t work. What would I have left at the end of it? Would any of those relationships with colleagues remain?