Today, we did a lot of eating and walking while one of my best friends was visiting New York from San Francisco, and we reunited with a friend we hung out with all the time when my good friend lived here in New York five years ago over a steak dinner and then drinks at a bar we’d been to several times together back in 2011 and 2012. It’s funny how things evolve: then, my friend was about to move to Singapore, have her Maui wedding, and transfer jobs halfway across the world. I was in a new relationship and a new apartment and a job I have since left. And my friend here in New York — he was single, living in Manhattan, and continuing his “baller” ways, frequenting Asian night clubs, drinking a lot, and eating at fancy steakhouses every month. We spent a lot of time reminiscing of people who have come in and out of our lives, especially those we had once spent a lot of time with who are pretty much strangers to all of us now.

That’s what New York has made me realize. Even when you think you are close to someone, that you have a connection with someone, or you spend a lot of time with someone — it doesn’t mean they’ll really care about you forever, or even remember your face or name forever. They may even forget about you after the day or night or months you spent a lot of time together. All it takes is one move, one mutual friend who leaves, and it’s “dunzo.” The idea that people “care” about you here seems very fleeting. We may be close today, but we may end up as strangers tomorrow. Hell, my visiting friend is spending separate time hanging out with people I once considered friends but no longer speak to and have since unfriended on Facebook. It’s not like there were any actual falling-outs or fights or official ends to our friendships; it’s just that both sides stopped trying or caring. That’s part of life. She asked me if I wanted to see them, and I said no. She herself hasn’t spoken or been in any contact with them in four years, yet she really wanted to see all of them, even the creepy ones who lusted after her. I haven’t seen or spoken with any of them in that time either, and they live right in this city. It makes me realize even more how special friendships are as we get older and keep in touch with fewer and fewer people. These are the people who actually do care and want to make an effort, and these are the people I love. The people from the past — they’re just in the past. They served a purpose, however superficial or fleeting, in the past, and now that’s all they are — passed.