Mother of the groom

It’s pretty clear that I lucked out in the parents-in-law area. My in-laws are smart, generally open-minded people who are world travelers that would put most of us to shame. They’ve welcomed me into their lives with open arms and without any real hesitation. But I knew that at some point, we’d disagree on something. I guess that some point has come now.

None of these things are big things. They are quite small in the grand scheme of problems we could have. My future mum-in-law has indicated that while she enjoyed the sample wedding album that we shared with her from our chosen wedding photographer, she didn’t find them particularly unique and was expecting something different. I get that not everyone understands photography technique and editing the way I might since I scrutinize photos like crazy and took a while to make my photographer decision, but wedding photos are wedding photos. No matter how personalized and “you” that you make your wedding, you will definitely have photos that look like other people’s wedding photos: the bride walking down the aisle, the bride and groom standing together and posing, family shots, cake cutting, dancing, etc. You can’t really make these things that different. It’s just the way it is. The editing will make the difference in the end in terms of color.

She’s also indicated that she is against the idea of us having a nanny. “You have to raise your own kids!” she exclaimed at Chris when Chris mentioned that we would eventually have a nanny. I didn’t get involved in the conversation, but I was definitely not that comfortable listening to it. The thing about being in a dual-income family is that if both partners are working full-time, you can’t really get by having children and not have some external help, whether it’s from family, an extremely good friend, or professional help through a daycare or a nanny. It’s just not feasible. I have no desire to be a stay-at-home mother and wife. Chris’s parents had the luxury of having Chris’s dad’s parents take care of the kids while his own parents worked full time. My parents had the luxury of having my grandmother live with us while all of us were growing up. They had help — it was just unpaid and done by family. If we’re not living in San Francisco or Melbourne when we raise our children, we’re not going to have familial help, either, so the only option is hired help. People seem to forget the little luxuries they’ve had when they judge other people’s choices, which is a little frustrating.

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