I’ve spent a lot of time in the last five months reflecting on my life in general and what the heck I am really doing with myself. Why do I do anything that I do, and why have I chosen the friends I have chosen, and why do I continue to want to associate with the people I associate with? Nothing is perfect, and with every choice, there seems to be negatives associated with it. I suppose when you lose a significant someone in your life, it makes you question your own existence and purpose, and you start asking “why” about everything.
When I tell others I meet that I’ve known my three best friends since I was 11, they often express how amazed they are that I’ve managed to maintain these friendships for over 16 years despite time, distance, and of course, our own personal changes over those years. The truth is that over the last year, I’ve felt some growing pains with a couple of them, and it’s resulted in a lot of misunderstandings and misinterpretations. I’ve been encouraged to do things like seek therapy, yet when I’m ready to discuss the therapy sessions, I don’t seem to get much of a response… or, there is the case where if the therapist said something, they agree, but if I say it on my own without the therapist affirming it, I get reminded of things like how much my parents love me despite what they do, which doesn’t really help. I don’t know how empathy in a person can decrease over time, but it seems like this is what I am feeling in one of them.
With time differences and physical distance, there isn’t a glut of time that we have to share the important things, so if we are already aware of our limited time sharing, why are we choosing not to share the important things and to instead share what is superficial and not important in the long-term?