Today marks the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy’s death. The entire country remembered him today in many different tributes and TV specials and mentions across all major news sources.

Today also marks four months since Ed left us. It’s funny when I think about it – whenever the anniversary of his death comes each year on July 22, the rest of the world will be celebrating another birthday for the son of Prince William and Kate Middleton, while my parents and I will be mourning the fact that I will never see my brother again. And now today, when everyone else is celebrating the life of JFK, I am thinking of my brother’s ashes sitting in his niche at the San Francisco Columbarium and why life had to be so cruel to him.

I suppose JFK has had a legacy in my own life. Chris actually mentioned this when we were watching the JFK mini series months ago. It sounds twisted, but if JFK had never been assassinated, he would have opposed being a part of the Vietnam War, which meant that my dad would never have been drafted to go. If he were never drafted, he never would have met my mother, so therefore, Ed and I never would have been born. It’s strange how things work out.

I’m not crying as often as I was months ago, but I still miss you, Ed. And as Thanksgiving and Christmas get closer, it feels a little worse and worse knowing you aren’t around anymore. Even if others aren’t thinking about you as deeply, I definitely am. I even took the big Macy’s Snoopy you gave me out of the closet against Chris’s “anti-clutter” wishes. He’s sitting on the bean bag in the living room now. He reminds me of you and your love for all things child-like.