Last night, we went to see Gravity. Sandra Bullock’s character, Dr. Ryan Stone, is sent on a mission to outer space, and while there, she realizes that she could die; everyone on the mission has died except for her at that point. She doesn’t think it would be that bad because back on earth, she doesn’t have anyone she cares about who cares about her. Her daughter reached a tragic death at the age of 4, and since then, she just drives, as she says. She thinks she will commit a painless suicide in outer space until she has a hallucination of George Clooney’s character, Matt, coming back to make her snap out of it. After she wakes up, she realizes she has to continue to go on no matter what.

In the moments when I learned of Ed’s passing, that’s how I felt; it wouldn’t be that bad if my life ended because since Ed is gone, I’d get to see him again. We’d reunite and continue in the next world together. I wonder what Ed would have thought if he had watched Gravity and seen Ryan Stone survive. Would he have felt hope, or would he think, I’m not strong enough to do that?

I wish Ed had hallucinated that someone came to him on the Golden Gate Bridge before he jumped, and that someone gave him all the tangible reasons why he should continue on. I wonder if that would have been enough to prevent him from leaving us. He did bring his keys with him, after all.