It’s the day before returning to work, and I”m feeling pretty blegh today. We took the baby out to Central Park since it was warm and enjoyed the sun and grass, spent some time on the roof with her, and went to Target. I made steamed Cantonese ginger scallion barramundi, stir-fried gai lan, and rice for dinner. I set my alarm a little earlier to try to condition myself to wake up earlier to allow myself to not only pump and fully empty my breasts, but also go to the gym before work would begin. I’ve come to terms with going back to work: it is what it is. I wasn’t that excited to hear that I’ll have a new manager in a few weeks, as a new manager always introduces more uncertainty about everything, but I just have to wait to see how things unfold.

My friend was asking me how I was feeling, and I just said I felt whatever about it all. I’m not excited about going back to work, but I’m also not dreading it as much as I did about a month ago. It’s just the reality now. Our nanny will be starting soon, so we’ll need to find a new groove with her, as well. It’s a lot more “returning to normalcy,” whatever that means, just with a tiny baby to care for and think of now. I’m finally going to learn what it’s like to really be a working mom soon.