I haven’t been able to remember most of my dreams since our baby was born, but the dream I had last night really stood out and definitely highlights all my focus around my milk supply for baby and how I obsess over it.

In my dream, I was at the doctor’s office going over some test results because of some chest pain I told the doctor I was experiencing, and she informed me that I had a blocked artery that she was concerned about. The only way to address and resolve this would be to schedule an angioplasty for me, which is a procedure to restore blood flow to the heart without open heart surgery. It’s considered a minor surgery… but definitely NOT something commonly done on someone of my age.

My immediate reaction was not to be concerned about my own health or the fact that this was a sign of heart disease. Instead, my response was… is there any way we can reschedule this procedure so that I can do this after I’ve weaned my baby off breast milk? If I have this procedure done, I’ll be off my pumping schedule, and I won’t be able to pump on the day of the surgery or during the weeks after that due to recovery, and that will ruin my milk supply and possibly even cause me to dry up, and I NEED to give my baby as much breast milk as possible! Can we wait until she’s at least a year old?

My doctor looked at me like I was absolutely insane… which I was with the response I had. We were talking potentially about life or death for me, and I was only thinking about… my baby getting my breast milk…?!