Since I was as young as eight, I’ve been extremely diligent about putting on sunblock with a high SPF. Part of it was because of the worry around skin cancer, and the other part of it is more vain; I was concerned about sun spots and pre-mature wrinkling. Sadly, in the last four weeks since Ed’s passing, I’ve realized that I’ve developed my first fine lines on my forehead. They are small, but I know as a fact they are there.

You learn a lot of things about yourself when you experience great tragedies. You learn what the phrase “rock bottom” actually means in the context of your own life, you learn how family and friends react and how much they love you (or don’t, and then you dump those disgusting people and curse them out of your life), and you also learn how your body physically responds. In my case, I suppose the lines could be a result of this. Another thing that happened was that I found out that you can actually get broken blood vessels under your eyes from crying too much. I also lost weight during the short time I was back home despite eating more (when you are at my mom’s house, you have to eat more. She doesn’t care if you are grieving or not. It’s her house, and you do what she says, so EAT). Everything has a response to your tragedies even when you least expect it.