I went out to dinner at a vegan restaurant with a friend who I had lost touch with but had recently become reacquainted with, and instead of feeling really clean and healthy after the end of the meal, I actually felt… the way I always do. Anyone who says that eating vegan makes them feel more clean is completely full of crap. Seitan and all those other vital wheat gluten products can really leave you feeling heavy and bloated.

That eventually progressed into… oh, no, why is my stomach gurgling? And that became a 2am run to the bathroom, which led to reoccurring bouts of diarrhea. And that went on pretty much all day long today just to paint a prettier picture. I stayed in bed most of the day, wondering how someone like me could get food poisoning from vegan food, of all things. The two other times I’ve experienced food poisoning were in Vietnam in 2008, then in Spain this past November. People always say it’s from things like contaminated meat or fish, or from fresh produce that’s been touched with unwashed hands. No one says anything about vegan food. These are all the misconceptions of life.

I’m never going back to that restaurant ever again.