My friend in New Jersey drove into the city today to have lunch together. We talked about a lot of things, like dentists, health, people in our lives, food, more food, learning/teaching philosophies, and friendship. She was telling me how she was thinking a lot about how Chris and I approach food with Kaia and how much she admires it. She is thrilled Kaia is a good little eater, that she’s adventurous with foods (likely because of her mama). She especially loves that we limit her sweets intake and pretty much ban candy except as a “very, very special treat.” She’s shared this with some of her friends, who are also parents, and apparently they think that I’m too draconian and asking for my child to eventually have an eating disorder (parents always have to criticize each other, don’t they?). She went on the defensive for me, saying that given the insane rates of obesity, not to mention the pre-diabetes and heart disease rates in children as young as 4 or 5, the approach we’re taking is data-based, prudent, and practical; she said if she were a parent, she’d likely try to do the same thing.

My friend also told me that she shared that I’m one of her only friends who “gives her shit” for not voting or voting third party. “She’s getting under my ass about not voting!” she laughed, telling me what she told her other friend about me. While one of her friends who has a “c’est la vie” attitude asked why she puts up with me being so pushy about voting, she responded, “Well, I actually appreciate it because it means she cares and wants to push me to do things that are important. And sometimes, we need someone to push us.”

I smiled. It’s nice to be in adult friendships where we individually take accountability for our actions and recognize that sometimes, uncomfortable conversations need to happen between friends who just want the best for each other, and who push each other to be better. Pushing friends to be the best they can be — that’s actually a good thing, isn’t it?