I’ve been an active fundraiser for the AFSP Out of the Darkness Walks here in New York City for the last 11 years. In the last 11 years, I single-handedly have fundraised almost $60,000 for AFSP and have consistently been ranked one of the top fundraisers and part of the top teams in New York City. This year, before a pending company match, I had personally raised $5,900 and was ranked third for individual fundraising. Our team raised $6,150 and was ranked 7th across teams. Despite my passionate, consistent efforts in fundraising, though, Chris and some of my friends have pointed out that year after year, something has gone wrong that has ultimately resulted in a slight towards my efforts.

When I first started with AFSP Out of the Darkness Walks in 2014, we had a real community, and people actively sought to get to know new people during the walks. I befriended the former Walk directors and people on the board; they knew me, and I knew them. AFSP acknowledged top individual fundraisers and teams in a much more prominent way that actually put a spotlight on community members. Since 2015-2016, this community feeling has gradually degraded. Instead of leaders and board members getting to know other active, top fundraisers, less is done to foster community, and more has been done to put more spotlight on corporate sponsors, whose names are already known. More has been done to spotlight board members, who are already “insiders” in the AFSP community. This is *not* how you foster community or encourage those outside of your board or organization to fundraise and participate. The way that these events are being run and how board members and sponsors are getting acknowledged, whether that is on stage at the Walk ceremony or on the backs of the Walk t-shirts, makes AFSP seem like it is becoming more like a corporation rather than a non-profit that values community. Their corporate sponsors already have their brand names everywhere; AFSP’s individual fundraisers and teams want more acknowledgement and should get it. Top teams and individuals used to get recognized on the t-shirts. This is no longer the case.

And as for my personal experience, I cannot remember getting acknowledged in person by any AFSP employee, board member, or volunteer for my fundraising efforts since maybe 2016. Previous directors always made the effort to meet me and any team members I had. This hasn’t been the case for years now. This year, my team, Team Edward Y. Wong, qualified for the Top Teams tent. When we checked in, only I was granted a Top Teams lanyard. I didn’t understand how the lanyards worked, so I assumed it was just given to the Team Captain (no one explained this to me). Several volunteers came up to us (one of whom was very rude), and said we weren’t supposed to be in the tent and had to leave. In a volunteer’s words, we were “not following the rules,” whatever those rules are because they were never shared with us. When another volunteer overheard what happened and recognized what was wrong, she went to see if she could get more lanyards. She was told they had run out of lanyards. Then, my friend/team member went looking, and she found a whole box of lanyards and got one for each of our team members. The disorganization and inconsistent messaging was frustrating, especially because it was embarrassing as one of the Top Teams who raised over $5K to potentially get kicked out. 

My team and I have also been slighted in other ways: there have been years my team wasn’t granted a sign, and this year, as many of my donors pointed out to me, our team name was even misspelled on the site; someone wasn’t even able to do a simple “copy and paste” and got Ed’s name wrong: His last name is Wong, NOT “Wog.”

As for the top fundraising and how that is calculated, it’s always frustrating when everyday community members get topped by board members and those “inside” the organization. This does not create a strong community and instead, it only serves as “pats on the backs” for those who are already within AFSP. Again, it reflects how over the last 11 years, AFSP has been acting more like a corporation rather than a people- and mission-centered company. 

I do this walk every year and fundraise as aggressively as I do in an attempt to keep my brother’s memory alive. I do it for those who are suffering and feel invisible. I do it in hopes that others won’t die the way my brother did. I have no ill intentions. I don’t have any questionable LLCs donating to me like some of the board members, who got the majority of their shady donations from these “LLCs.” All my donations are from my family, friends, friends of friends, colleagues, ex-colleagues, and legitimate corporate matches. I’ve been doing this now for 11 years — longer than anyone on Sunday’s stage has been doing this. After 11 years, it may be time for me to consider moving my fundraising efforts elsewhere to another mental health nonprofit that will actually genuinely appreciate the work and fundraising I do and acknowledge me and my team. I haven’t decided yet, but I will sit on it and think, and also look up other organizations. My main goals are to 1) keep Ed’s memory alive, first and foremost, and 2) fundraise and help others who are suffering. I could easily do that with another organization, and without AFSP.