My sweet Kaia Pookie: You are my purest joy and all at once my most intense infuriation. Every day, I learn more about the meaning of happiness, joy, and love – all because of your sheer existence.

Earlier this year, I read a book by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu that discusses the concept of “mudita,” or sympathetic joy, a joy that celebrates others’ joy, delights in the good fortune and happiness of others without jealousy. And I realized that because of you, I get to experience that feeling every single day when something excites and delights you. Your happiness is my happiness; your pain is also my pain. We are inextricably linked for life. You are never going to escape me even if you want to!

Some days, I wish I could bottle up our moments together, that I could keep you safe and whole and little in my arms forever. But every day, my little love, you are getting bigger and bigger and less and less little. But for now, you are still my little one, and I’m still your safe place. And that is enough to make this moment of your sweetness eternal in my heart. I hope you always know how hard I am trying to be the best mumma to you, the best example to you that I can possibly be.

It sounds a little ridiculous considering how many people get pregnant and give birth every single day, but every day, I count my blessings and consider myself so, so lucky to have you in my life. I know others who have not been as fortunate to have children who wanted to become parents, and so I know that the gift I have is not one that everyone is privileged and lucky enough to experience.

Happy 4th birthday, my sweet Kaia Pookie, aka Hoji, aka Pookster. You are my forever love, the one who has given my life far more sweetness and joy than I ever could have previously fathomed. Thank you for being my sweet, cheeky, rambunctious little Pookie Pie every single day. Mumma and Daddy love you more than words could ever fully express.