Tonight, we went over to a good friend’s house for dinner. She has two kids similar in age to Kaia. Last minute, her husband decided to not stay home for dinner with us and instead to go play pickleball with friends. “It won’t be that bad,” he insisted to his wife (my friend). “They’ll just play together, and you guys can talk.”
It never goes as you hope, though. My friend had just come back from picking up both her daughters, and they were both cranky. One of them was particularly unwieldy and roaring at us like a wolf. And as we were attempting to eat dinner, and my friend had already reheated her dinner more than twice, it actually felt like the three girls could be in the living room all playing relatively harmoniously together. But out of nowhere when none of the adults were paying attention, Kaia started crying hysterically. She had the long, high-pitched wails, the big fat tears rolling down her face. I ran over to comfort her. I asked her what happened. Maya looked angry and kept staring away. And Maya’s little sister Juni, as though “protecting” herself behind the window curtain, yelled out, “She hit her!” Juni paused for a little bit. “And then, she did this!” Juni motioned and took a toy and crashed it down (on a head).
My friend then sent Maya to her room. She did not stay there, though: she kept popping out to roar repeatedly at us. My friend proceeded to call her husband multiple times, leaving several voice messages with the general message of, “Your daughter is being extremely NOT well behaved. YOU NEED TO COME HOME NOW AND HELP ME.” My friend was definitely struggling and increasingly getting frustrated and feeling helpless. She also just relented and ate the rest of her dinner cold.
Eventually, everyone calmed down. The kids played alongside each other, then together, then started running after each other while giggling. And of course, at that point, it was time for us to leave before all the tots got overly tired.
Once we left, my friend texted me several times to apologize for not having the night we “hoped” for. She said she blamed her husband for bailing on us so last minute. But she also blamed herself for not knowing “what was really bothering” Maya.
Parenting is hard, even when you have an involved spouse, even when you have paid and/or unpaid help, even when you try your absolute best with the best intentions. But as much as I hate to admit it, it’s in times like this when I think… I love having “just” Kaia. To me, it’s not *just* her. She’s my everything, and I love being fully devoted to caring for her as my one sweet baby.