I went to pick Kaia up from school at the end of the day yesterday, and as per usual, I asked the teachers how her day went. They said she was good (she usually is), how she ate, and then gushed over how much they adore her and how she always follows directions (gee, how come she doesn’t always do this at home…?). Then, the teacher said, “oh! And I almost forgot to mention: we had our very first lockdown procedure with the class today. And ALL the kids did so so well! We quickly hid in the back classroom and ducked, and when we told the kids to all be quiet and shhhh, they all did it! We didn’t hear a peep from any of them!”

My smile immediately faded from my face and was replaced with a glum stance. I recognize that while living in this country, a procedure like this is more than 100 percent necessary and needed. But it honestly hurts my heart so much that my child, and really any child anywhere in this country, should be subjected to this as just another “routine procedure” the way earthquake or fire drills were done in school when I was growing up. It makes me sick that we actually have to worry about this because school shootings are such a frequent occurrence. We are sick as a nation. And it’s infuriating that our government will do zero about this. This is not normal, nor should it ever be normal, but we have to treat it like it’s normal. And that’s just disgusting.

I told the teachers that while I was happy the lockdown procedure went well, it made me physically sick to know that this was the state of our country and that this should not be normal. They both shrugged and said they agreed, but hey, they had to do it, and the good news was that the kids were all obedient and went with it!

This is our world as long as we live in the United States of fucked up America.