Thankful

It’s Christmas day today and Chris’s 40th birthday. One year ago today, it was just the two of us in our New York City apartment, not drinking alcohol in preparation to begin our IVF cycle a few days later. I had a lot of uncertainty then, yet I was filled with hope that IVF would get us one step closer to starting the family I’d been dreaming about for over two years. I had no idea then how IVF would turn out, and yet, one year later, here we are with the greatest gift I’ve ever received: my little baby Kaia (jam). It has been 15 days of a total lack of sleep and self care, 15 days of breastfeeding tears, anxiety around her weight increasing, and being uncertain if I was really doing my best as her mama. Yet at the same time, it’s also been 15 days of the most love I’ve ever experienced, both for my baby Kaia and my Chris. I have never been more grateful to be alive and here to raise my little daughter, nor have I ever been more grateful to have Chris as my life partner, who has been a rock through IVF, pregnancy, and now raising our daughter together. He has kept calm and cool through all my worries and tears this whole time. I have never felt more sure of myself in choosing him as my favorite human than in the days since Kaia has arrived. I can’t wait to see what life brings us a year from today in the future as a family of three.

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