At home this evening, we attempted to watch the live stream of Chris’s Nana’s funeral, but failed just a short while into it annoyingly. But Chris worked on the video and photo component of the program, so he had it uploaded to YouTube so we could watch it without the live stream. While watching it, I thought about the amazing, privileged, happy, and full life that Nana lived in her 92 years. I thought about her love for knitting and crochet, cooking, gardening, and her family. I thought about how beautifully and neatly she kept her home despite living on her own for so long. I still fondly remember all of the little trinkets and crystals she had so meticulously displayed on all her surfaces and cabinets everywhere in her home, and how much she relished her time with her grandchildren and great grandchildren. And although I felt sad knowing that our future baby will never get to meet Nana, I know from all the stories shared and the time I spent with Nana that Nana died with a true level of contentment in the life she led, likely with little to no regret. We are lucky to have seen her nearly every Christmas since 2012.
I thought about my mom while watching the different cousins share their Nana stories and listening to Nana’s children speak details of Nana’s life, and I wondered if my mom, hopefully one day a long, long time from now, would be on her deathbed, reflecting back on her life and what level of fulfillment she’d feel. Would she look back and see a life well lived, or will she simply see “constant pain and suffering” as she used to yell at my dad and Ed about all the time? Will she get angry at all the people she believes wronged her, or will she actually take the time to be thankful for all the good fortune and good deeds that others have done for her with no expectation in return, even if she was always so quick to exercise “quid pro quo”?