This has not happened since 2011, but my parents look to be coming this August. And Chris is about to set his hair and mine on fire.

The main reason my mom wants to come is to see the new Jehovah’s Witness headquarters in Warwick. The JWs sold their Brooklyn property overlooking Manhattan, just across the Brooklyn Bridge, in favor of a palatial-like space in the lesser known suburb of Warwick, New York. Apparently, you need to be an “insider” and “know people and have connections” to get an appointment to enter, even if you are already a Jehovah’s Witness, and so she said my aunt needed to make the appointment for them all to come. It really sounds like an equal opportunity for all here, doesn’t it?

The last time my parents came, it was for my cousin’s wedding, and Ed joined them. It was probably some of the worst times we’ve had altogether as a family. It was scorching hot in the summer, my Elmhurst apartment had no air-conditioning outside of my bedroom, and my kitchen was roach-infested. Oh, and I had just come back from a 2.5-week-long European vacation with my now-ex-boyfriend, who my mom hated for no good or rational reason.

The circumstances are certainly different this time. Now I’m married and living “legitimately” with my husband, I live in Manhattan, and therefore I’m considered more “acceptable.” But I know all of the things they will nitpick at: the tiny space relative to what they are used to, my belongings, what our supposed rent is, when we will buy a place, what we are eating, how dirty and disgusting she thinks New York City and the subway is, how much time she thinks I should be taking off just to spend with her and my dad because they are inept at getting anywhere on their own in a “foreign” city, etc.

I’m not looking forward to this. I love my parents, but they just do not know or understand boundaries, and they don’t know how to be good guests, especially at their child’s home. My mom always moans and says she “just wants peace,” but she inevitably always destroys the peace in my mind when she and my dad are around. It’s the truth.