Guilt

A colleague and I went out to lunch today, and we were chatting about our relationships with our parents and how we oftentimes feel guilty. Of course, this colleague is a woman because it seems that only women are programmed to feel guilt when it comes to parents from what I have heard. She explained to me that because her mother never had a formal education (just like mine), she felt like there were a lot of things she just could not understand or appreciate because of it. “I don’t know what to call that,” my colleague said. “I know it sounds terrible, but it’s like I like cultural things, and she just lacks culture?”

It does sound terrible, but I could really relate to what she was saying. As another friend and I recently discussed, one of the reasons that my own parents cannot appreciate what you gain and learn from travel, whether it’s domestic or international, is that they don’t understand how or why it would be beneficial for one’s life. To them, it is a way to brag that you are rich and have money and can afford to travel. What’s there to learn while traveling? Why would it be important to learn about cultures other than one’s own, to be familiar with other languages and customs in other places, or to see how people different from yourself live life? These concepts are foreign to my parents, and they don’t see how it can benefit someone. But these beliefs are theirs because they’ve never been really exposed to other people in large droves who do appreciate these things and understand what the value is, and frankly, you are more likely to be exposed to this if you are around people who went to college, got degrees, and perhaps even did higher levels of education. My parents’ lack of education is partly the reason they think the way they do about little luxuries and international travel. They’ve never had friends or colleagues who have embraced these things, so that didn’t help, either. Our peers really influence the choices that we can make.

My mom never had the opportunity to go to college. She never had a formal education in Vietnam, and when she came here, she got the equivalent of a high school degree and started working right away because she had no other choice… well, other than to bear the wrath of my grandmother, who hated her because she was Vietnamese and not Chinese. My dad could have finished college, but he never liked school and was never that good at it, so he didn’t. I’ve had privileges that my parents never had, and I’m grateful for it. I wish they would be able to see that my life choices in travel are not wasteful and a sunk cost in terms of money spent. But I can never teach them why travel is a good thing and not just a selfish, flaunting thing to do. Only experience can teach them that.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.