I was at dinner tonight with two of my best friends, eating deep dish pizza and discussing my last relationship. “We didn’t realize he was so critical of us!” One of them exclaims after thinking about things we discussed as a group over my bachelorette weekend that just passed. “It’s not a big deal,” I responded. “It’s all over now.”

“We’re surprised you never told us,” she continued. “You’ve been more open about the things that Chris has said… which is why I have a less rosy view of him than I did of Arnold before.”

That’s true. I have been to a degree. But I think what I failed to express tonight is that I feel like enough about me has changed from the last guy to Chris where I just say more of what I think, for better or for worse. I’m a bit more blunt. I offend people more often now because frankly, they can’t handle the truth and people’s real opinions. I get tired of always having to get everyone’s input before voicing my own. What we all fail to do as human beings who have human relationships is to be honest with each other about things that really matter and are dear to us. I don’t feel the same way about life as I did before Chris or before my brother passed. I feel like my mindset has changed a lot, and I can sit here and talk or write about how it’s changed to convey it to people, or, I could just say what I want and do what I want and let people judge for themselves whether I am the same or not the same. I need more honesty and am constantly seeking it because I don’t think I get enough of it.