Tonight, before the show we were planning to see in the theater district, Chris and I spent some time browsing at Kinokuniya bookstore right across the street from Bryant Park. I hadn’t browsed in a bookstore in what felt like ages, so it was nice to skim a bunch of different books, from topics on business, travel, fiction, memoir, tidying, and even the kids’ section. I jotted down a number of titles that piqued my interest to read reviews about and consider reading, but funny enough, one book that really caught my attention was a children’s book called In My Heart: A Book of Feelings. The book has a big heart cut out from the center of it, and as you flip the pages, the heart becomes smaller and smaller. Each page describes a different emotion and why one would feel this way. I was so struck by the descriptions and the general heart depiction and how creative it was that I immediately noted it down as a potential gift for young parents.

As adults today, a large chunk of society struggles with showing their feelings, whether it’s physically or emotionally or mentally. It’s really sad. I realized that a large majority of my friends struggle to be really open with me about their feelings, whether it’s about things they think about on their own, or even if it’s around my brother’s death. When I messaged a friend earlier today that I was really touched by her generous donation to my AFSP donor drive, instead of making a personalized comment about my feelings or Ed’s life, she simply responded, “It’s a great cause.” Why are we so removed from feeling as adults — aren’t we supposed to be mature enough now to just feel? Is it because we were never taught these things growing up? Was it because it needed to be taught, to allow our feelings to be expressed and to be expressive in general?

It’s so frustrating. How do I meet and befriend people who can just be real with me and say it as they feel it?