I met with my therapist today, and we discussed why I think I haven’t been able to sleep well since I’ve come back from San Francisco. She noted that it was a very emotionally charged period that left me feeling very angry and conjured up a lot of bad memories for me, but she wondered why the effects have lasted this long. Even last night, I couldn’t fall asleep until around 2am, which led me to skip the gym. It’s like a vicious cycle because if I can’t sleep, then I don’t make my morning workout, which means I will likely be less tired at the end of the day than if I did make that morning workout.
I realized with her that maybe the problem is that I’m almost setting myself up for failure by thinking about how I need to sleep and how I need to go to the gym the next morning, and by consciously thinking about that, my body gets mad and decides to rebel against my wishes. I’m idle in bed, and I know I hate being idle. Being idle annoys me, which means I’m irritated while lying in bed, and therefore I can’t fall asleep because I’m having negative thoughts about being idle and not being able to sleep.
She suggested I try meditation and the practice of being just with oneself. I think that may take some baby steps for me, since my last experiences with meditation were not fruitful in the least bit.