Ultimatums

I went to dinner with a friend tonight, when I learned that one his girlfriend’s best friends was planning her wedding for this summer. She’s already booked a date and venue and has purchased her dress. She’s in the process of working on wedding invitations and save the date cards. But she’s not engaged. Her boyfriend has not agreed to marry her or proposed, but he’s fully aware that she is planning their wedding for this August.

My belief that men and women should be equal makes me feel bad when I think, “but she’s not engaged.” A man doesn’t necessarily have to propose. In fact, I’ve been hearing more and more about women proposing to men, or men and women just agreeing to get married. It’s far more egalitarian. It’s not necessarily that gushy romantic “OMG” moment, but as time goes on, I’d like to think that “norms” will also evolve, as well. The other fact is that they could actually be engaged without a fluffy romantic male proposal. But to think that someone is going ahead to plan a wedding and even put down deposits for a venue completely freaks me out unless the couple has agreed to get married. It’s a very surreal and scary form of ultimatum. It’s basically not taking “no” for an answer. Most ultimatums I hear are something like, “Propose to me by X date, or I will leave you.” This ultimatum is more like, “I’ve already set a date, location, and put down deposits. Just get the damn ring and I’ll take care of everything else.”

This is the reason men think women are crazy about weddings and marriage.

But then again, maybe men should just grow up and stop flipping out at the idea of getting married and realize what kind of women they are choosing to be with.

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