It’s been sunny skies and warm temperatures from the beginning of Ben’s visit here in San Francisco until the very end. He’s really lucked out with the weather. It’s been an enjoyable time taking him around and acting like a tourist again in my own city, but honestly since I’ve come back, I’ve felt a little stale. This city is a constant reminder of my brother, and while that is sometimes a good thing, at the end of the day, it is more depressing than anything because of the fact that he’s dead and the way he had to die. Whenever I come home, there’s a void. He’s not at his desk or in the bedroom we once shared. He won’t be coming home from work or karate and throwing his bag through the door as he unties his shoes outside before entering the way he used to.
But when I am not staying at home, like tonight and tomorrow since I’ll be at Chris’s hotel for work, it’s like I am escaping my reality and sad past that somehow seeps its way into my present every time I return home.