Last night, I dreamt I was at my parents’ house, sitting on the couch with Ed next to me. My parents are sitting on the opposite couch, and one of my best friends is also in the room. Suddenly, my former (verbally abusive) boyfriend from my college years walks in, and he plops himself on the couch next to me. I’m wondering, who the hell invited him here?

And as I’m thinking this, my mom starts discussing the will that she and my dad have finalized. She says that they’ve decided to evenly split everything between Ed and me, but with Ed’s portion, I have control over how he chooses to use the money and inheritance left to him. The reason for this is because of Ed’s mental illness. He’s not fit to make decisions on his own and needs my assistance. Ed gets really angry and starts yelling at them, saying that he’s an adult; he should be allowed to make his own decisions, and that he will be responsible enough to decide for himself. My dad interjects and starts calling him stupid and all kinds of other criticisms. I yell at them to stop criticizing Ed, and that this topic is really inappropriate in front of people outside of our family. My friend and the ex are oblivious. It’s as though they don’t even realize that there is an argument happening right in front of them. No one is listening to me. Our parents continue to attack and put down Ed and ignore my pleas to stop. I get so heated that I stand up and kick both of my parents in the head one by one, and they both stop yelling and fall to the floor and hit their heads.

Even though I was scared in my dream that I could have killed both of them by kicking them in the heads, it actually felt like such a relief to take out some aggression on them. There have been too many times to count where I have yelled and defended my brother to no avail, but none that would have made such an impact as physical violence like this.