I’ve been spending some time filling out applications for youth mentoring opportunities in New York City. Last Thursday, I had an interview with an organization that provides mentors specifically for young girls. I’ve always enjoyed volunteering, but I realized what I did not like about the things I was doing was that none of them were continuous – all were just one-off projects that, while fun and helpful, didn’t really do much for me personally.

As I am going through the many pages of questions that these applications are asking me, and discussing what I want out of life through mentoring on these phone interviews, I’ve realized that all I really have in the back of my mind is Ed. I think about how I wish he had someone he trusted who he could look up to. I wish he had someone he could call a mentor. Maybe he would still be with us today if he had one. I guess in many ways, he looked to me for advice and help, but I don’t think it helped his self-esteem to know he was asking for advice from his little sister who is seven years younger than he was.

I’m going to try to preserve him by helping others. It’s one tiny thing I can do to keep his memory living on.