Since college, I’ve regularly exercised. I was not very targeted about what I did, but I always did some kind of physical activity regularly. Once I started working full time after college, I got a gym membership and went to the gym for a rigorous workout anywhere from 3-5 times per week. I dabbled in different exercise and yoga studios. But it wasn’t until I was 27 when I started being more regimented about when I went to the gym (early morning on weekdays before work), and more regular about what types of exercise I did. And then, it wasn’t until two years ago when I weaned off breastfeeding that I started listening to my body in terms of what I liked and did not like (I generally dislike HIIT workouts), and found what really worked for me (low impact, pilates, barre, light weights) versus what other people (e.g. trainers, exercise guides) said would work for me (heavy weights, HIIT). This is a long winded way of saying: it took me a long time (so, my entire adult life for the last 21 years?!) to get comfortable with what kind of exercise I’d like that would work for me: fitness has most definitely been a journey and not a destination.

I exercise because I know it’s good for me, and it also makes me feel really good. I am always more alert and focused after exercise. I sleep better when I have worked out that day. I feel more agile, flexible, and nimble when I’ve worked out. I can feel a huge difference in my body when a few days have passed and I haven’t done any rigorous workout; it’s actually one thing I really look forward to when we get back from a long trip away. In the long term, I know exercise has helped my overall health; regular physical activity helps combat the inevitable loss of bone density and muscle mass as we all age. And given I am turning 40 next January, I am very cognizant of the fact that once I get there, I’ll begin to lose bone minerals faster than I can create new bone minerals, and thus, my bones will eventually become more porous and brittle.

What concerns me, though, is how inactive my in-laws and my dad are. My dad is turning 77 this year; Chris’s dad turns 72 tomorrow. Chris’s mom is just a few years behind his dad. My dad is basically glued to his computer most days, watching endless YouTube videos and leading this extremely sedentary, sloth like lifestyle. I used to suggest exercise, then I stopped when I realized he was never going to change or listen to anything I said. My in-laws seem repelled by exercise; it’s almost like they are allergic to it or something. The mere mention of the gym, and Chris’s dad’s face goes a little off, as though he has smelled something foul. Chris’s mom finally got semi-coerced into a gym membership by Chris’s brother over a year ago; after an initial consultation there, she says she goes about three times a week. Chris’s dad has bristled at the fact that the gym isn’t cheap, but why should it be, especially given where they live? Plus, spending on the gym is spending on health. They are both happy to spend money on prescription drugs or over-the-counter drugs and vitamins/supplements, but they do not see that spending money on a gym membership is an investment in one’s health. Regarding the gym workouts, I have observed Chris’s mom while at our building gym during their visits: she barely does anything that would really challenge her, which would lead to change in her body or weight. Chris’s mom has insisted for years that exercise “just doesn’t work for her,” as in, it doesn’t help her lose weight, even though she’s never given herself a good, hard look in the mirror and realized that she’s simply not challenging herself enough when exercising. As they always say, “no pain, no gain.” I’m sure it can sound hurtful when Chris or I have said or hinted at this; this is where having an unbiased third party, like a trainer, would be ideal, because they’re only going to say it like it is. They have zero reason to say things to hurt you; they were hired to get you to a better place. I used to give suggestions when Chris’s mom would complain about weight and eating so much (especially with us, because I’m not really about to starve them while they are with us), but then I finally stopped last year when I realized she was doing little to nothing to be honest with herself and actually take action to improve what she keeps complaining about. Now, I just listen or ignore it and say little to nothing in response.

Last week, I injured my hamstring during exercise. I am not sure what I did wrong, but I do know that my left hamstring and IT band were burning when I walked up to 76th Street and back last week. I figured it was time to rest and recover. Later that evening, when I was doing a hamstring stretch, lying on the floor with a towel to lightly pull my foot down, Chris’s dad came over to ask what I was doing. I told him I hurt my hamstring while exercising, and he looks at me, puzzled. “Oh, you injured it during exercise? Then, why exercise at all?”

I explained in the shortest and calmest way possible that injuries happen all the time, but that was not a reason to stop exercising. That’s like saying, oh, you should never try anything if you fail, because in that case, what’s the point? There is a risk in almost everything and anything you do. But just because something may hurt or be unpleasant doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Plus, hello, concerns around bone density and muscle mass loss, especially for them because they have both led very inactive lives?!

After a while, I just don’t think these conversations are even worth having. While we are all getting older, they are in their late sixties and early seventies, showing no signs of adapting a growth mindset anytime soon. They are unlikely to change their ways with exercise or anything in that realm. So I just smile and nod when they say these ridiculous things about how “exercise doesn’t work” or that they don’t have time to exercise or question whether a gym membership is worth the money because it’s clear nothing I will say will either agree with them or change them. So while I don’t think Chris’s parents and mine have a lot in common, what they all most certainly have in common is that they are all very, very much fixed in their ways. I wonder if I will be that way when I am my late sixties/early seventies, where Kaia is lecturing me about something she thinks I should do for my health but have neglected… I hope I can get to be that age where it could even be a possibility.