While Kaia was having a poop dance yesterday morning, my mom decided to call after five months of not speaking. She wanted to confirm what my plan is while I’m in San Francisco later this month. I had texted both my parents separately to let them know I’d be back in town the third week of August. My dad simply asked, “Shouldn’t you notify mom?” and apparently did not tell my mom I sent any message. I texted my mom, and she never responded.

Of course, she makes it out like she’s some innocent, perfect mother who is mistreated by her daughter. She said she didn’t understand why I never called to tell her we were coming. I reminded her, in my most monotone, level voice, that the last time we spoke on the phone, she accused me of not calling when I had, in fact, called, four days in a row, because I was angry she didn’t send Kaia money regularly. Of course, she got mad at this because she can never find fault in herself. “Why can’t you just learn to forgive? I’m your mother! I do EVERYTHING for you! I raised you!” she shrieked. It’s funny to me every time she makes hypocritical comments like this because she never forgives anyone for anything they’ve done to her. She still holds grudges against my aunts and uncle for things they said/did when she first came to the U.S. in the ’70s. But, I assume all of that is completely fine by her. She then said that before this, she had “never” done anything to hurt me before. The delusions never stop. She really could not be more removed from the truth.

She said that while I am at work Monday to Thursday of the week I am in town, I should leave Kaia with her and my dad so that they can get some quality time with her because they never get to see her. She said she is always hurt by me, that she knows I favor Chris’s family bc we spend a month in Australia (she doesn’t seem to remember that Chris’s parents come here and proactively visit us, and that, amazingly, the time spent together is pleasurable, unlike the last two visits my paernts made to New York, when it was total pandemonium and hell for everyone involved).She said I should stop being unfair to her and my dad and at least give them 3-4 days with her while I’m in town to build a relationship with her.

This is the stupidest idea possible. And it’s like she is so divorced from reality that she cannot see what is wrong with this and why Chris and I would never allow this to happen. I pointed out at the last time we came two years ago, it was not enjoyable for anyone because they picked fights with me almost every day I was at the house. When they had the opportunity to have quality time with Kaia, all they did was watch TV and go on random walks and clean random things in the house and then go to additional JW meetings that they didn’t have to go to. They basically ignored the fact that their granddaughter was around. Had she already forgotten they did this? Plus, they wouldn’t even physically be able to care for her. She’s not a baby and will be running around everywhere. They’d never be able to catch up. My mom had this ridiculous idea that she could just “watch” her play all day and do nothing else. Does she think she will sit still that long…? My mom got really angry when I pointed this out and said that she didn’t want to fight; she was tired because she knows she can never win with me bc she knows my bad attitude. It’s always lovely that she’s consistently eager to point out the things I supposedly do to hurt her, but I can never say anything about all the things she and my dad do to hurt me.

I told her, maybe if she actually acted like she wanted us around, maybe if she stopped criticizing me constantly, maybe if she actually was warm and hospitable, maybe I would want us to stay more and longer. But that’s not reality. She didn’t take this message very well. I was able to keep my voice pretty level the entire time, especially since Kaia was there doing poop dance, though of course, she thought I was yelling when I wasn’t. It’s the same crap every time, her “I’m being persecuted and am completely innocent” attitude.

I’m like a broken record. It’s delusional. She’s constantly jealous of someone, in this case, Chris’s parents. And she makes it seem like I’m the one who prevents her and my dad from seeing Kaia. She does pretty much everything to prevent herself from having a relationship with her grandchild. She’s just blind to it all because she is perfect in her eyes, and the rest of us are evil.

I said I’d stay at the house for the two weekends, but I had a schedule. She insisted that I “not go anywhere or see anyone” as per usual and only stay at the house. It’s always about her… no one else matters or is important. No, I won’t stay in her prison. I will stick with the schedule I’ve made and she will just have to suck it up. I’ve changed plans due to her tantrums more than once before, and I will not do it ever again. I’m almost 40 years old. I’m not putting up with her drama anymore.