I was lazy this morning, so I slept in until almost 10:30. So much for being productive on the weekends.

One reason that I’ve felt like sleeping in on the weekends lately is because I know that in dreams, I have a chance of seeing Ed and being with him. That sounds kind of ridiculous because as a living person, I should be maximizing awake-time, but in this world, I know I have no chance of ever seeing him again. In my subconscious when I am asleep, there is always a chance, so that excites me and makes me hopeful that he will come.

Well, he came again this morning. I’m walking on a long, wide street, and I notice him standing in front of a big building across the road. As soon as I see him, I run up to him to embrace him, and I begin sobbing because of how happy I am to see him again. The seconds before I actually get my arms around him feel like they are happening in slow motion; my legs get weak, so every step forward I take seems heavy, and his mouth curling into a smile when he sees me seems like it takes minutes for his smile to form. As we are embracing, he says to me, “Yvonne, I just want you to shine. I’m so sorry I hurt you.” I keep crying during our embrace, and the world seems to fade away.. at least, until I wake up.

Ed, I miss you too much to shine right now. All I feel this week is pain.