My earliest memory of wearing nail polish is likely when I was about five years old. My aunt, who lived upstairs from us, used to always paint her nails some shade ranging from pink to red; magenta was a common color she painted both her finger and toenails. My mom was never into it, but as soon as I saw my aunt wearing it, I wanted to have it. I asked for it endlessly until my mom relented. So, once my mom said okay, my aunt would indulge me and occasionally paint my finger nails. I remember being completely obsessed with it and just staring at my nails for ages, thinking they were the prettiest things ever. And then my mind got blown when I started school and towards my later elementary school years, classmates would come to school with green or blue or OMG, purple glitter nail polish!

So, I guess Kaia is now reaching that age where she wants a little of everything that is stereotypically girly girl. She twirls endlessly and stares at herself in the mirror when she gets a new dress, skirt, or hairdo. The more pink and purple, the better. And if there is something glittery or sparkly, she is all over it. When I got her new pink jelly summer sandals that have silver glitter in them, she refused to take them off after trying them on and had the biggest tantrum when I pulled them off (It was too cold to wear that day). She has been asking repeatedly for pink or purple nail polish, which I am very reluctant to do because a) the chemicals and b) can she seriously sit still long enough to allow it dry properly… because there’s no way I am dealing with a nail polish mess (that’s a REAL MESS) everywhere?! I know a few of her classmates wear nail polish, and at this age, it’s all about, “if they have it, I want it, too!” Even her desire for her hairstyles comes from her classmates: some days, she wants a pony tail. Other day, she demands pigtails or braids. Occasionally, she will say she wants her hair down (which is never allowed because it will get everywhere and annoy her!).

Kaia has also been asking about my earrings. She loves playing with them. The more dangly, the more she stares and tries to grab them. She’s not really at the age where she understands what ear piercing entails, though she keeps saying she wants her ears pierced. I am debating on waiting until she understands the concept of ear piercing = pain and management before actually going to have her ears pierced. I thought maybe we’d do it for her 4th birthday… but will she actually understand the reason for the pain and how we have to treat her ear holes every day? I’m not sure.

These are cute, “female” things to grapple with when you are raising a little girl. Yes, of course it would be fine if we had a boy and he wanted these things, but these questions/desires are socially constructed as “feminine” and therefore accepted as girl problems or situations. Although lots of situations will come up that will be extremely challenging and make all this look like nothing, I’ve actually enjoyed thinking about it and thinking about how I will handle it all. I just hope she doesn’t look back and think I was overly strict, but rather thoughtful about how I’d approach her.