For the handful of days we’ve had in between San Francisco, Ottawa/Montreal, and school starting this Thursday at Kaia’s new 3K school, we’ve had to juggle having her at home since we already ended our time (and payment) with the last school. To say the least, this has been pretty challenging and annoying because I never really feel like I can focus on any one thing while she’s around. There’s the tug of work as in, hey, this is actually a working day for me, and I have things to do even outside of my regularly scheduled meetings. Then, there’s Kaia tugging at me because she always wants my attention, even when she’s doing something separate from me. The weather is still very nice outside, so I still want her to go outside to the park or playground, but between Chris and me, we need to tag team and figure out when the best windows are to take her outside. Since Kaia was a baby, she’s always hated it when we’re at our computers and not engaging with her. Now, she gets annoyed and says, “I don’t want Mummy/Daddy to work.” She knows that when we’re working (on our computers), it means we cannot play with her. She’s even tried pushing or hitting my computer in response. Yes, she’s jealous of an inanimate object.

These several days, while they’ve been fleeting, always made me feel a little guilty that my mind wasn’t totally focused on work or her. But it also made me sympathize even more with my friend who we just visited, who works 100 percent from home but also takes care of her son full-time — all at the same time. She gets zero breathing space from childcare because it’s all consuming 24/7. Granted, her work is a lot less meeting heavy than mine is, but I cannot imagine that she’s ever really able to fully focus on work while her son isn’t sleeping/napping. Even when toddlers do independent play, it’s usually in small bursts (or when they’re up to no good and wrecking the house). And they always want to know that you are paying attention to them or engaging with them.

These experiences also make me respect stay-at-home parents even more and how they’re somehow able to do all the childcare work, likely the majority (if not all) the housework and cooking, and still have it all together with themselves. I can barely clean the bathroom with Kaia around. I just don’t how stay-at-home parents do it all and don’t completely lose their minds even without “paid work.” Stay-at-home parents definitely do not get the credit or respect that they truly deserve. When you think about it, when there’s a stay-at-home parent, they pretty much never get a break. The parent who does “paid work” outside of the home gets an actual separate space to be an adult, do adult things/have adult conversations, and do something completely not child-related. They have the mental and physical space to separate family from work. Stay-at-home parents do not have that luxury when it comes to separating childcare, child’s learning, housework, cooking, grocery shopping, etc.

Shame on us as a society and world.