Last night was rough after Kaia refused to sleep in her bed. I thought she’d be better off sleeping on my bed, so I put her on the bed and she passed out within 15 minutes. But then this morning, just before 5am, she woke up screaming and crying, likely from a nightmare. In the nightmare, I suppose I am refusing to allow her to turn on my Kindle. So she kept screaming over and over, “I wanna turn on the Kindle! TURN IT ON! TURN IT ON!” She wouldn’t stop screaming or crying for almost 30 minutes. There were times when I wondered if she’d stop breathing or have a seizure because she was so visibly distraught. Luckily, that did not happen. I tried to calm her down, but nothing worked. Finally, she got off the bed, stomped over to her own bed in her bedroom, and lied down there. She got mad when I didn’t come over, and she started screaming that she wanted “mummy lie down here,” so I went with her to lie down next to her, passed out, and didn’t wake up until 7:40.

The morning routine was fine. I managed to get her to school at just past 9am, which was actually pretty quick when I think about it.

But I guess the paci used to help with her nightmares. Now she has no sense of security without the paci and is vulnerable when these stressful dreams happen. And I suppose it doesn’t help that she is very aware that her Daa-Tee is not here. My poor baby.