I once worked at a company that had “coffee klatches” where you could get to know people with whom you do not normally work through “coffee appointments.” An automated script would pair colleagues together based on “shared interests” you’d identify in a Google form. It was a voluntary activity, but a way in which you could get to know others across the organization, and thus would build work culture. I decided to participate in it to try it out.

I got paired up with someone who… let’s just say, from the surface level, you’d think we had shared interests, but we absolutely did not. Let’s call her Anna. We both wrote in our Coffee Klatch form that we both loved “travel.” In the last year, she had traveled to X country, and after telling her I was planning to go to X country in the next month, she eagerly shared her “must see/do” list with me. As someone who always loves to share packed lists of sights to see, nooks and crannies that most tourists would miss, and local eateries complete with cuisine type, what dishes to try, and price expectations, I jumped at the chance to look at her list.

I opened up the document to discover a flight itinerary, hotels booked, and a couple lines pertaining to a Hop-On, Hop-Off sightseeing bus schedule (literally, all this section said was, “Pick up at Hotel at 8am; Last stop at hotel at 6pm”), in addition to a few restaurants (no descriptions, just names). If you aren’t familiar with this company, it’s a mainstream tourist company that allows for easy double-decker bus transport from different tourist destination sights in specific cities around the world. Let’s be clear: I don’t really care that she used a sightseeing bus to get around, but this bare-bones document didn’t have any details — no sights, nothing about what to look out for – it had nothing. This was not the kind of “list” I was expecting, and I was pretty baffled that she would send something so barren to me. I genuinely thought she had made a mistake and sent me the wrong list. How would a hop-on, hop-off bus pick-up and drop-off time from her booked hotel me plan my trip…?

Anna was so excited to hear about what I thought of her list. She came to my desk and asked my opinion. “Did you find it helpful?” Her eyes were overflowing with hope and the desire for positive feedback.

“Hey!” I said, startled. “So, I opened the doc, but all I saw was your flight schedule and a hop-on, hop-off bus start and end date each day. Was this a mistake?”

Anna’s face immediately fell. From her outward expression, she was part confused, part hurt, and part angry. “No, that’s the right doc. I just wanted to share it so it might help you with your trip planning,” she responded slowly.

Oh, crap. She thinks I’m a jerk now, I thought. “No, no! It is helpful! Thanks so much for sharing! I was just thinking it might have a list of specific sights or something…”

It was too late. Anna had decided I was an awful person. She had no idea why I would dislike her awesome list. She eventually trailed off and started a conversation with another colleague. Later, I learned that she told a work friend of mine that I was “rude and passive aggressive.”

To be fair: Yes, we both do enjoy travel. But we do not travel the same way, and therefore could not really help each others’ travel journeys. So the next time you think you have a common interest with someone, dig a little deeper and ask the probing questions, and don’t just assume you will be joined at the hip with them.