I once had a team leader who I found to be charming as soon as I met her. She was charismatic, confident, articulate, and clearly came from a well-to-do family in India. She was self-deprecating at times, particularly about being Indian from India with her Indian-accented English, while at other times, she was extremely confident and would have staring contests with individuals she disagreed with. She was certainly a force to be reckoned with, and in many ways, I definitely did reckon with her. She was charming… and manipulative and controlling, and absolutely loved to instill fear in everyone around her.
One thing she loved to do was, well, telling people what to do. She prided herself on never, ever spending the company’s money on anything that did not absolutely have to be spent. So, when it came to things like taking teammates out to lunch, the rare times this did happen, she would spend this money out of pocket instead of expensing it. Her philosophy? “If you are offering to take someone out, you should be true to your word and take them out. Don’t say you will take them out to their face and then expense it. In that case, isn’t it [X company] taking your colleague out and not you?!”
When we had the occasional team outing (our team, depending on the time, ranged from 7-10 people), she or her manager (let’s call him X VP) would spend their own money for bowling or for food and drinks for us. Before and after the event, she would meet with us as a group and give us the same lecture. “You should be grateful that X VP is being so generous to take you all out. I hope you appreciate this gesture. Make sure to remember to thank him and be kind. And don’t do anything ridiculous at the event to embarrass me.” The day after the event, she would send a one-line email: “Please remember to send X VP a thank-you email acknowledging his generosity for taking you out, and let him know you had a good time.”
Well, thanks, Mom, for all the much-needed reminders on good manners and etiquette. We all really needed that, especially since we’re all babies, just between the ages of 22-35!