Tonight, I met a friend visiting from out of town for dinner, and over two hours, we caught up on everything that’s happened since we last saw each other, about eight months ago. She’s here for a brief work trip, and as a result, only spent about half an hour with her mother (her family is in New Jersey). However, she did spend a full day wandering around Manhattan with her younger brother, who is four years younger than her and who she gets along with very well.

I couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of envy when she said this. It must have been really nice to spend the day aimlessly wandering around New York with her little brother, with no real goals in mind and no agenda of topics to discuss. After we parted ways, I thought about how I tried to encourage Ed in 2013 to visit me in New York so that we could do just that – wander the city aimlessly and see what piqued his interests. I rarely got to spend large blocks of time alone with Ed, but the few that we did have, I remember quite vividly and fondly. It’s strange to think that I haven’t spoken to or heard my brother’s voice in over 3.5 years now. It seems like such a long time, but time has passed too quickly. Even as time passes, I can still hear the sound of his voice in my ears. It seems ridiculous, but I still occasionally think about what it would have been like if he did decide to come and visit in the spring of 2013. Maybe he would have left feeling renewed and hopeful. All those possibilities are gone now, though.