No, this is not my pregnancy announcement. That is what the pill is for.

We just found out last night that Chris’s cousin, the one closest in age to him who was married five months before us in France, is now expecting a baby in August with his wife. It’s crazy to think about it because she and I spoke, and she seemed completely against having kids for a few years and even considered freezing her eggs. The pregnancy was unplanned and came as a complete surprise. She was experiencing nausea when we were with her in late December, but we just assumed it was because of something bad she could have eaten, and her pregnancy was confirmed when she visited a clinic a couple days before New Year’s Eve.

As soon as I found out they were pregnant, I immediately thought… I wonder what Chris’s mother is probably saying. Ben already filled me in. The conversation went a little something like this:

Ben: Did Andy call you?

Susan: Yes – what great news! Hopefully this spurs your brother into action!

Ben: You know that those two things are completely mutually exclusive, right?

Susan: Yes, but there is no better time than the present! It makes no sense to wait until the “stars align” — every generation has to juggle many things – work, travel, children – including yours! And my urgency is also because it would be best to get help from younger grandparents.

So… the first thing I will say is that neither of us ever made any comment about “stars aligning” — that phrase is empty and is the type of thing bullshitters say when they are feeling non-committal. The second thing is that — she doesn’t really think she and Chris’s dad are going to move here and help take care of these potential children, does she?

Granted, none of this was said to me, but I would certainly respond if she did urge me to have children soon. I’ve already flat out said it won’t be happening for at least a couple of years as long as I am in charge of my own body.

My mom wasn’t happy to hear this from me, either. She made sure to remind me of this last week. “I’m sorry to remind you, but I want to see my grandchildren. I am getting older. Don’t you want me to see my grandchildren before I die? You never know when I will go. It could be any day now.” Well, by that logic, if I got pregnant tomorrow, she’d have to stick around for at least another nine months.

It was always a great decision when people got guilted into their parents’ selfishness to make decisions about their lives and bodies.