It’s always fun when you have a relative who is so opposite of your political beliefs that you have to keep quiet about politics every time you are around him. But it will inevitably get to a breaking point when things get a little too personal, and you realize he has crossed a line he shouldn’t have.

With Trump’s ban on refugees and visitors coming in from seven predominantly Muslim countries also comes the required detainment of U.S. Green Card holders and even employees OF the U.S. government in the last few days. U.S. Green Card holders, for those who are unaware, are people who have been interviewed, scrutinized, background-checked so many times that they basically feel dehumanized by the time they are even granted the privilege of attaining their permanent-resident status in the U.S. How do I know this? My husband is a fucking U.S. Green Card holder, and I’ve had to stand in baggage claim waiting for him multiple times as we’ve returned to this country from holidays as he’s had his Green Card and temporary Green Card status (yes, because that comes before you actually get the freaking Green Card) scrutinized, and as he’s been detained and ordered and yelled at to leave the U.S. Customs area to a back office room to be questioned over and over. The abuse of power of Customs Border Control is ridiculous; if you just look at them the wrong way, they could pull you aside and detain you for hours, and you aren’t even allowed to ask why or how. You have no rights. Do what you are told, just like a dog.

So, you can imagine my immediate wrath when my uncle says before family dinner begins tonight that banning or detaining even U.S. Green Card holders is “actually not stupid” and “a good idea.” “Even they (Green Card holders) cannot be trusted,” he said matter-of-factly. That was when I went nuts, raised my voice, and said he was wrong. These people have been checked multiple times and are legitimate residents of this country. Why should they be put under extra scrutiny? Chris is a U.S. Green Card holder. Do you think he poses a danger to this country? “He’s an exception,” my uncle argued. Of course he is. The people you know and like are the exception; everyone else is a potential terrorist. Isn’t that just so convenient? The people who have committed these terrorist attacks are not even from the countries on that list of seven; his firm response? “No, you’re wrong.” That’s everyone’s favorite response. Actually, my cousin and I both countered and said that the terrorists responsible for 9/11 were from countries not on that list – Pakistan, Egypt, Saudi Arabia. No response from our uncle. No counter of “you’re wrong” here, huh?

When we create exceptions, when we say things like “Chris is an exception” because we know him and like him, when we say “I’m not homophobic. One of my closest friends is gay,” when we say that we aren’t racist because “some of my best friends are black/Korean/Middle Eastern,” that’s when we know we believe the majority of whatever targeted minority group deserves the oppression they face, and that is unjust and inhumane. When did we, the idiots saying things like this, become morally or ethically superior to these targeted individuals? In my uncle’s case, it is the saddest to me because he is the child of immigrants who worked hard to come to the U.S. to give their children a better life and future than what they had back in China. Sure, their English wasn’t perfect, and yes, they weren’t educated, but they allowed their kids to get educated in the U.S. and have better lives than what they had. Has all that been completely forgotten, or has he taken all that for granted and decided he just wants to abuse his power as someone working for Customs and make the lives of all future immigrants who get in his line at Border Control miserable and bleak? How can you completely forget where you’ve come from and your own roots?

This has been a truly embarrassing week for me to know that I have relatives like this.