Chris and I have spent the weekend going through wedding to-dos, writing out wedding invitations, preparing the envelopes, and going through the mailing address list. There were a few names on the list of people who are my mom’s friends who we didn’t have addresses for, and so I had to call my mom to ask for their addresses. This is one of the must frustrating things because my mom is honestly one of the most disorganized people I know. It will take her weeks to find a friend’s address because she has about five different address books in five different places, and she doesn’t even write all the addresses in those books. She writes them on random note pads that she leaves all over the house. This is not an exaggeration.

So I called her today to ask for a friend’s address, and she says, “Why are you sending her an invitation? She got laid off from her job a few months ago.”

Well, this isn’t really about job status, is it? It’s just our sending her an invitation, and she can RSVP yes or no or whatever she wants regardless of whether she can come. She’s a good friend of my mom’s, so I’m not sure why she wouldn’t want her to at least get invited formally.

“I don’t think you should send her the invitation,” my mom persists. “She has nothing to offer.”

I realize that in the majority of immigrant Asian families, people throw weddings expecting to bank it in and profit. I’m Westernized to the point where I don’t look at it this way, so regardless of whether she comes or doesn’t, gives money or doesn’t, I really only added her to the list because my mom asked me to a year ago. I did what I was told, and now I’m being told to undo what I was told to do.

“Did you remember to put on the invitation that you want cash only?” my mom said. “You don’t need junk gifts.” I wanted to grind my teeth.

My family is too complicated.