When I was my friend’s maid of honor back in 2012, planning her bridal shower and bachelorette weekend in Vegas wasn’t that difficult. In the end, I really just had to rely on myself (and I rarely fail myself when it comes to getting stuff done). I had a co-maid of honor who was just a maid of honor in name because the bride was too scared of hurting anyone’s feelings, and three other bridesmaids that in the end, proved to be pretty useless with offering any help. In the end, I made the plan, did all the bookings by myself, and just told each bridesmaid what share she had to cough up for the event. We had little interaction regarding event planning, and maybe in some ways, that was probably the best. I might have liked if someone actually offered to do something tangible, but I guess that’s just wistful thinking now.

I have three bridesmaids now, and there’s clearly some trouble brewing. One is freaking out over little harmless comments I am making about my mom (who has no expectations regarding anything), and another is getting flustered by this bridesmaid and not understanding why she is stressing out so much. And my third bridesmaid is trying to not get involved by not saying or doing anything to help the situation.

Planning events tends to be stressful for those of us who don’t do it on an everyday basis. There’s always going to be stress involved. But what would ultimately make the planning less stressful is if each of us just exercised a bit of level-headedness and tried to work with each other to make the process fun. That doesn’t seem to be happening here.