My parents apparently got into a big fight last night. Today, my mom told me that my dad cares more about the rental properties and making money more than her, and she didn’t want to live anymore. Her son was gone, I’m in New York, and her husband doesn’t care about her, so what is she living for? She then proceeded to say that I would not be seeing her again, and neither would my dad, and she hangs up the phone.

Being here in New York, I felt the same helpless, alarmed feeling I felt when my mom called last July and said that Ed was missing. What are my options here given the distance? I Google the National Suicide Prevention Hotline number and call them. They put me on hold forever, so it’s clear why so many people are taking their lives. I finally get through, I explain the situation, and the man on the other line tells me to hang up and call the local police department and have them go to my parents’ house to do a wellness check. Then, I call the Richmond police department and tell them what’s going on, and they tell me that they don’t handle these situations, and I should dial 911. I call my house, and my dad answers. I ask him what’s going on and why she is so upset. He responds in his pissy, matter-of-fact tone of voice, “You are to blame for this.” If she takes her life, he said, it’s my fault. I felt so much hate at that moment that I was tempted to blurt out that he’s just going to ignore her the same way he did with Ed, and we all know how that turned out. I insist he comfort her and at least be in the same room. He responds and says, it’s easier said than done, and easy for you to say in New York. Then he hangs up on me. I’d never had more hate for my father than I did in that moment.

I was finally able to get through after neither of them answering the phone forever, and I got my mom to calm down. She insists she has no reason to live anymore and no one cares about her.

My manipulative mother and my childish father… and my dead brother — what have I done in a past life to deserve this kind of family?