I came home tonight to an unexpected card/letter in the mail from a longtime friend and former teacher of mine. The card is made of a light cloth-like material with embroidered flowers, and has this quote on it:

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy: they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

In it, she tells me of the struggles she has faced emotionally in the last several months, and she acknowledges that she remembers that we’ve reached the one year anniversary of my brother’s passing. She said she thought of me often in the months leading up to it, and especially on the day of. She even remembers how I called her that night one year ago, telling her that he was missing and that I had no idea what to do or who to turn to. Despite my love, my recent engagement, my travel experiences, my friendships, and the generally happy life that I lead, she says, she knows that I am still grieving, and this grieving will never end because of how deeply I cared for Ed. How does one ever get over a life of a loved one, a sibling, cut short, especially when that life is cut short by one’s own choosing?

It’s not every day that I receive traditional mail that is handwritten anymore; actually I almost never do. It was really touching to read her handwritten words to acknowledge remembrance of Ed; I teared up reading it, partly because I was thinking of Ed, and partly because of how grateful I am that I have someone like her in my life who would take the time to write me a letter to acknowledge my sorrow and continuing pain, and to let me know that she does, in fact, remember and care. I’m sure Ed is happy to see this. Ed always did occasionally ask about her. I’m a lucky person despite not physically having him anymore.