A good friend and I were chatting the other day, and she had asked me about what I thought in terms of location for events like bridal showers and bachelorette parties. I honestly hadn’t spent too much time thinking about it, but for a bridal shower if I do end up having one, I ideally would really like my mom and my aunt to be there. My mom would love to be at a party like this — an event that celebrates her one and only daughter getting married. She said she’s been hoping for my own bridal shower since she attended my cousin’s wife’s bridal shower back in 2007. That was over seven years ago. So if my mom is there, most likely the most reasonable place to have a bridal shower would be in San Francisco.

I thought about friends who I’d like to invite and where they would be coming from. I have a friend in Seattle who might want to come, a friend in Little Rock, some friends in New York. Where would they stay? I thought. Well, we do have space in my parents’ house. Some could sleep in our living room. And then I thought without really thinking, I wonder how Ed is going to feel with all these girls sleeping over at our house?

And then I stopped thinking, and my eyes welled up because I couldn’t believe I forgot again that he was gone. It’s like he’s so a part of that house to me that every time I imagine it, I just think he will always be there. Every step of the way looks to be difficult and painful.